I hate looking through ECGs, Cardiac Enzymes, Renal Panels and Potassium Results. I hate nursing patients who are diagnosed with cardiac disorders. I hate writing NSTEMI and HF carepath. I hate bathing patients on telemeteries. I hate it when the BP plummets to a systolic less than 90 or when a heart rate escalates to a 180 BPM. I hate it when a patient desaturares and ABGs has to be done and needs to have follow-up oxygen saturation monitoring. It sucks when i have to wait, even for more than 5 mins for the SP02 to reach to the recommended therapeutic levels. I hate it when a DIL (active) or DIL (max. ward management) patient’s condition deteriorates and have to start him on Dopamine and/or fluid challenge. Worst, BP is unrecordable and patient does not respond even when pain stimulus is inflicted.

In other words, I hate cardiology medicine.

I miss the smell of wounds that has poor healing despite post wound debridement and skin graft. I miss the sight of RTA victims bloodied up by the impact of the crash, as well as the mangled and catastrophic gaping wounds that have inherited from an unfortunate tragedy. I miss the challenge of nursing patients in those physics complicated tractions. Also, the constant accidental bumps on the hard metal grip bars. I miss the daily complicated wound dressings which can take up to an hour to complete. I miss the screams of agony of the patient when i slowly pull out the redivac drains. My favourite is the Jackson-Pratt drain. All those excess tissues that follows suit once the drain tubing is out and the patient whistles out through gritted teeth the final moments of bearing the sharp pain. God, how they cling onto the PCA morphine as if their sanity depended on it! Oh, I’ll do anything to marvel at the beauty of blood and gore again. Oh, and the best part? Marvelling at the number of metacarples or metaphalenges,een better,the rib cage or patella exposed for me to see when i open up the surgical dressing. Also, the detail of the tedons visible to the wound dressor’s eye. Best part of the job,mate. Best part of the job.

I miss Orthopaedic Nursing.

By the end of Week 9, i should be familar with the common cardiac diagnosis in the ward that i’m in. This includes single-triple vessel disease, HF, AF, brady, tachy, NSTEMI and STEMI. 

Also, i should be famialr with my drugs. Actually, i’m ok with the indications. Just need to know the mechanism of action it has towards the disease process.

And ANd, i bought a new pair of shoes to be worn to work  tommorrow. And i’ve just finished soaking my feet in tea for 20mins. Those antioxidants did a good job in cleaning out the bacteria from my feet. Now, it is less itchy  and smelly. I am still furious at the person who sprayed water at my shoes. The cotton soaked up all the moisture causing my feet to be damn the whole day. Not to metion, i was wearing covered shoes. That would mean an excellent breeding ground for bacteria to colonize. Therefore, it leads to itchy and smelly feet.

Super Gross.

It’s ok to say Yes to something random

Last Tuesday, a lady came up to me and asked me if i can ‘model’ for her  makeup presentation. Apparently, she paid $175 for 6 makeup lessons and have to apply makeup on a model and present on the last lesson. If unable to do, she can’t graduate from the course properly and the money she had spent will go down the drain. And i’m the last minute hope she has. And so i said yes.

The event was on thursday evening. Sis tagged along as well. You know what. Me and sis were the only non-chinese there. it’s like they were giving us the puzzled look like ‘what are they doing here.huh? she’s your model?’.

Get what i mean. So, in the beginning i was like really skeptical of going through with it. She as well as one of the head makeup artist were doing my makeup and hair. I have to admit, the makeup done was rather similar to the  makeup i had when i played a witch in muy drama club except it was less louder. Also, the hair style she gave me was super complicated. I was like ‘wtf, i’m suppose to go out looking like that’. haha…i was a little taken aback by the makeup actually. And there were a few sniggering after i changed into my dress.

Anyways, when its time for the models to catwalk. me and another group of girls were gathered behind. The MC was calling out the model one by one as if its a beauty pageant. she was like ‘presenting you miss usa, miss hong kong, miss japan, miss russia’ etc etc etc. So i was like saying to other girls ‘i am sure she is going to call me miss india, if not i’m so gonna chop of my head’ and they  were laughing. Hey, what do ya know…i broke the ice.

True enough, she called out miss india. Me.

Here is the thing. the fact that i was the only non-chinese model gave me  an advantage and disadvantage. The advantage: i stand out most. The disadvantage: i’m the freaking indian bugger who is being ‘extra’ and in an awkward position. So, to kill off the disadvantage i have to win their attention right?

So when it was my turn. Guess what i did. Since the other girls, in my opinion, were doing a funeral march. I decided to entertain them by giving them a ‘performance’.

In other words, i did a Victoria Secrets/ Tyra Banks signature catwalk. Trust me, i’m not bullshitting. And the crowd was like pumped up by it and they were like ‘WOOT WOOT’. Not to mention, the pictures being taken. God knows where  they will end up. After the whole show, i was complimented by 5-6 staff. They were like ‘OMG, yours was really happenning!!’ as well as ‘Wah, you really know how to catwalk arh’. The biggest surprise of my performance was the 2 women who did my make-up and hair. I guess i went above their expectation?

I left the area at about 11pm? I’m tired now. But, my mind is pumped with adrenaline frenzy by the crazy thing i did. God, i can’t believe i did THAT!!

But the unique thing about this experience on how it changed from an awkward, skeptical moment to a pleasant outcome. I guess its ok to say yes to random requests.

The End.

Bitch of the day:

Call that a catwalk?

Llet me show you how to work the runway.

i wrote this

I’m getting the hang of reality

though i may not have the most experience

and i tend to stumble and fall

i ain’t going to lie on the ground all day long

that’s pretty much how much life seems to be

it picks out your littlest mistakes and reprimands it

and a simple praise is  an expensive thing to say

though i tend to stumble sometimes

and it can get really miserable sometimes

but isn’t it how life is suppose to be?

so, i won’t be sitting in a corner, defeated and crying

but i’ll pull myself up

stay strong and keep smiling

Apparently, my baggy uniform makes me look like a grandmother. Regards to the ward sister.

Moral of the story: reduce the head-banging sessions of blasting heavy metal music with headphones.

And Smiling works actually. Even though, a few ’shit’ happened: i don’t have the negative feelings stuffed in me after work ended. ANd i don;t feel tired at all. Just motivated to face another day tommorrow.

I didn’t know literature is actually FASCINATING.

Smile

A little dedication for you. Smile, in both good time and bad. In joy and sorrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu-rLA4POkI&feature=related

Lyrics:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

that’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

“A day without a laugh is a wasted day.” – Charles Chaplin

The Puppet Show by Patrick Redmond

Sypnosis:

The story revolves around a young couple, Michael and Becky. Michael grew up in a home. He had a loveless, delinquent childhood but has managed to pull himself up. He now has a loving relationship with Becky and a high-flying legal career beckons.

Michael and Becky move into a new rental flat. Their landlord is Max, an older man who is very rich and enjoys making people happy. He takes Michael and Becky out to dinner, gives them presents and helps them out.

Max is also influential and begins to help Michael’s career. This is where the first dark clouds appear. Does Michael want such help – especially when it is given in secret without being asked for? Will there be a Faustian price to pay?

Is Max simply the kind, rich benefactor we’d all like to find? Or is he a manipulative, scheming and possessive character pulling Becky and Michael’s strings for his own amusement?

It’s impossible to be sure, which is what makes the book so interesting. Absolutely everything that happens could be read either way. That said, it’s a little surprising that Michael isn’t more suspicious of Max – whether or not the latter is genuine. Given Michael’s past he does seem a little naive at times. There were times I wanted to give Michael a good shaking and shout at him “Think!”

Whether or not Max’s intentions are good, the results of his generosity are not. Michael and Becky’s lives are no longer their own as Max’s influence becomes ever stronger. Their relationship is increasingly threatened by their new benefactor and the strains also impact on other friends as skeletons are dragged from cupboards.

- taken from: http://www.squidoo.com/puppet-show?utm_campaign=direct-discovery&utm_medium=sidebar&utm_source=rms

My opinion:

I admire the way Patrick Redmond builds his characters emotions as the chapters flips by. This book is divided into three parts: Trust, Division and Possession.

The main objective of this novel is to describe a love that is possessive. I’m sure you’ll associate this ‘type’ of love to a possessive husband or wife . In this novel, it is about the possessive love and controlling behaviour a 50 year old wealthy business man, Max Somerton had over a young lawyer in his early twenties (Michael Turner)who is taking baby steps to achieving a partnership in a law firm. What does this two characters have in common? They lost their parents when they were very little and had very little relationships aside from friends and colleagues. In the start of the novel, Max explained to Michael that the reason why he had helped him with this law career is that he ’sees’ Michael as a ghost reflection of himself when he was younger.

In the 3 parts, Redmond build Max’s emotions steadily and with good description. In Trust, Max’s gain Michael’s trust in agreeing to helping him. One good example was when he help Michael escape from being reprimanded for professional negligance due to an error he made. In Division, he tries to push Michael’s fiancee away from michael, in order to gain ‘complete ownership’ of him. In Poseession, he confesses to Emily (you will know the significance of this character when you read this novel) about his love being different form others as his love and affection for one is a possessive kind. Mind you, Max isn’t the only one who is possessive of Michael.

I am a little disappointed at the ending. I knew who won at the end of the ‘Puppet show’ . But, i knew something had happened and it would have been better if Redmond tel

 

strike that

i even lost the mood to write nightmare 3.

Dear Diary,

Work today was a total fuck. Apparently, my mis-documentation and fugly handwriting is going to cost the ward’s audit results. Got reprimanded for that. Any my guts tell me that it ain’t gonna end just there.

Tried to bash off the tension in my brain bu downing 2 bars of chocolates and taking the longer bus route home. At least the walk calmed me down just a notch. Was thinking about the plot for Nightmare 3. Maybe i should write one before i surrender to the devilish comfort of my bed.

I am so fucked right now -_-’. And telling me ‘it ok norusha. cheer up. or don’t worry it will be alright’ would NOT be helping so don’t bother trying.

The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen

 

Sypnosis:

In this brisk, deftly plotted thriller from bestseller Gerritsen (Vanish), Boston medical examiner Maura Isles and police detective Jane Rizzoli look into the murder of 28-year-old Lori-Ann Tucker, whose body is found Christmas morning in her apartment amid an unholy mess of severed limbs, black candles and satanic symbols rendered in blood. “Peccavi,” reads one word scrawled across Tucker’s wall—Latin for “I have sinned.” Isles and Rizzoli must sort sinner from innocent among suspects who can be found on several continents and include a group of sophisticates—scholars, an anthropologist, a psychiatrist—who are either cult members or crusaders against evil straight from the pages of Revelation. Other murders follow, all gruesome, all involving apocalyptic messages. On occasion, the action shifts to Europe, to a young woman running from a man she’s convinced is descended from a race of fallen angels. Gerritsen has a knack for stretching believability just short of the breaking point—and for amassing details that produce an atmosphere in which the most terrible possibilities can and, indeed, should occur

My Rating: 6/5

Yes, you did read it correctly. I am giving this novel the highest rating. I love the plot. It is clever, grotesque and filled with thrills and suspense in every page. Not to forget, a clever touch of humour perfectly executed by Jane Rizzoli, my favourite Homicide detective. Not to mention, i’ve got to see Maura Isles a cool, calm and collected medical examiner to be stuck in a so called ‘love dilemma’, making her vulnerable.

Blimey, i was feverishly flipping through the pages eager to know what happen next.  Tess did a marvelous job in applying her anthropology knowlege into the plot . Also,the way she depicts the antagonist being a Satanist and the way he kills, tortures and dismember his victims in such absolute detail that it gave me goosebumps.

A toast to my favourite author